ciKU's world!!

Good Friday Morning

2006-04-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

Listening to 'Need You Here' from the album of To The Ends of The Earth. Eating my grilled sandwich with grated cheddar cheese. And yes, the best part is it's 10:46 and I'm not at work.

I'm not sure what compelled me to blog, maybe to test if I could still communicate literally since it's been probably ice ages since I wrote anything.That's what happen when you leave Uni, leave the days of assignments and essays. I'm not gloating by the way.Call me weird but I actually do like studying. I find it therapeutic.

After all studying from a book is probably the most pain-free way of learning. True, you might get bored; worse still fall asleep, roll of your bed and hit yourself on the head. Then again, boredom never hurts and the other scenario could only happen if you study on the bed which we all know is not the best place to study. But then again I did that for my entire student life and survived.

Life process learning is a lot more painful. When there are no words to tell you what is right or wrong, I find myself wishing for a book to guide me even if the words are ambiguous. University, you work hard enough, you pass the exams. In life, you work hard, you might not pass the test though. It's time when you realise there are those times when it's not in your hands anymore. Not that every situation is like that but there will be situations when it seems you walk through a never-ending tunnel and there is no map to guide you through. You could either turn back or take a risk, continue walking. No amount of knowledge could probably get you through.

Times like that I remember that 'Your word is a lamp unto my feet'; not too bright to show me the whole path that because I will never learn the lessons that I was meant to learn. But still there is a calming light before me. Times like that I remember a weapon called prayer.

Pray as if everything depends on God, then work as if everything depends on you

Martin Luther

It's been a long long while

2006-02-10T03:41:00.000-08:00

LONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.............That has been how long since I last blogged. My goodness!!!Indeed to me, verbal communication is far easier than literal communication. Plus I can't communicate physical communication on a blog can I? See you can't see my hand actions, my sarcastic look, my cheeky grin plus my Malaysian accent is missing. That takes out half of what I am trying to say.

It is so much like life itself. We can talk, make verbal commitments, say all we want about who we are, what we did, what we want to do but it is only half of what we are if we don't live out the real message. We can proclaim our undying love for God, our unwavering commitment to serve Him but words are words. They will only remain words and be half of our message if we don't do the real thing. So it brings to remembrance what faith without action is. It is indeed nothing except dead. Yes D E A D; no life, stagnant. It is only half of what we want to communicate to the world.

Our lives, our actions are a display to the world of who Christ is to us.

A good line

2005-11-06T02:30:00.000-08:00

You earn a living by what you get but you earn a life by what you give

Winston Churchill

Eruption!

2005-11-05T16:17:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning,11:19 am. Gosh my room is so hot and here I am trying to write down some random thoughts that are crossing through my mind.

Been reading the news for these few days and can't help but notice about the riots in Paris. Now that does sound a litte odd to me. Riots in South America, riots in Ethopia; that seemed absolutely normal but Paris. Forgive me for my ignorance but when I think of Paris, things that cross my mind would be the Eiffel Tower, a perfect setting for a romantic movie, very very expensive brand names. All in all Paris spells CLASS, and in this case UPPER class.

However, just like many major cities, Paris has its existence of immigrant communities. France promises liberty, equality but parks its poorest in slums out of the sight of most French people. To many of the Parisians, places like Clichy-sous-Bois and Aulnay-sous-Bois are just names that appear on exit signs of the freeway. They only know of the existence of these places when they read newspaper and read about another case of gang-rape, drugs or possible terrorist suspects.

Yet this is a not a new problem. These Arab and African French citizens have been lving in France since 30 to 40 years ago. Yet what sparked the sudden riot? Is all due to the death of two young boys who ran and got electrocuted because they thought they were chased by police? Or is it a simmering feeling of injustice treatment that was just waiting for an event to trigger it all?

Is that not with many of us? On the outside, everything seems fine. We go to our workplaces everyday, hang out with our friends, say that we are feeling great despite a desperate cry to actually want someone to hear our deepest, innermost feelings and thoughts. Yet we hide it so well, just like the slums in France. No those feelings that we feel do not fit in with our identity at all. 'I'm doing well in everything. How could I possibly be doing this just to feed my insecurity? Everything on the outside spells SECURITY but everything I'm feeling inside spells INSECURITY.' Or maybe 'I can't possibly fill bitterness. I am a Christian for goodness sake. I'm suppose to be loving.' So the fear of tainting our image which has been defined by other people rather than ourselves causes a life of lie and dishonesty. Some live with the problem,it never erupts; maybe the insecurity just evolves into pride but it is a constant haunt behind the mind. Some are not as good actors and have great people around them who sense the problem. Or some are just waiting for an event to pull the trigger before the problem unleashes into a fullblown monster.

Just felt like giving a simple scenario, if you have bad skin, you have bad skin. Face it! No amount of foundation or make up is going to cure it. You can hide it but what happens when the temperature starts increasing or when the rain comes? Yeah your make-up runs and so does your mascara. The only way you fix it is DEAL with it. Go see the doctor, use appropriate skin care and eat healthy. The fix is internal not external.

I'm not giving up my seat

2005-11-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

Rosa Parks...Just an ordinary 42 year old seamstress, on another ordinary day, when she got on the bus after work. She sat on the first row of the coloured area on the bus. She was tired, it was a long day after work minding her own business. But this demure lady, an individual black lady made a mark in the history of the United States in the year 1955 in Montgomery.

When she refused to give up her seat to a white man on the bus, she sparked the start of the disintegration of the segregation between the whites and blacks in the United States. Her simple refusal to budge from her seat marked the start of the civil rights movement.

I thought this story was just so inspiring because all it took was an ordinary lady on an ordinary day in an ordinary place. Nothing extraordinary happened but she had the courage to say " That's enough. I'm not giving up this time. This spot is mine."
I believed something snapped in her spirit. She had had enough of giving into her circumstance just because she was a black lady. As she stood firm for her seat, I believe she spoke for many individuals. We are tired of being treated second best," This actually belongs to me. I deserve a fair treatment."

Don't you think so many a times we need to have the same courage as this lady to say " I'm not taking anymore of this nonsense from anyone" to our circumstances? Isn't it time we step into what is rightfully ours; the full blessings of God, the complete identity as an individual, the steadsfast promise of a bright future? Not that we need to shout and claim it as ours, but a strong firm "No more. I'm staying in my position this time." Most of the time we are standing in the middle of our promise when a little intimidation that comes in the form of a toothless lion causes to move away in fear. It has come a time in when all of us need to believe that all of us have the power to make a significant impact. Afterall wasn't Rosa Parks jsut liek any of us?

Patience

2005-10-30T13:58:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearin with one another in love

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen

Now I did not understand why this verses stood out so much last week.Most of the time I would just read through the lines and think 'Yeah that is good' and it will just slip my mind. But this time it was different, I mean they just stood out as if God was saying," Take notice of this verses, you will need it,".

And of course He was absolutely right, I did need it. It is so easy to remain calm when things are going smooth. Encouraging words come naturally, no problems with that. It seems easier to love everyone because everything is rosy.

But it is when things become a lil more chaotic that our patience will be tested. As a leader, do we allow our feelings to dictate our actions and our words? It does say bearing with one another in love. When I checked the dictionary, the word 'bear' had these meanings. The thing is when things go are in frenzy, my natural initial reaction is to be frustrated and to lose my cool. However, to bear means to'carry in the mind'. When we will ourselves to carry in our mind to be loving in our words and actions, our natural reaction does not take place when things get out of hand but rather what we have willed ourselves to; to what we have been thinking about. That is why it is important to know what we have been carrying on in our mind. Was it words like "I'm so gonna get back at that guy for being so annoying." or was it "Oh well that sucks but well I'll just get on with it. He did not realise what he was doing." The next thing that struck me is the fact that 'bear' also means to be accountable for. It is not just something that Paul thought was nice to do but 'bear' also means it is my responsibility to do so. It is not because these people whom I bear with love are the nicest, but it is because they are not which is why 'bearing' also means tolerance and endurance. I am assuming a responsibility to tolerate and endure. And I know as I tolerate and endure, I become less and He becomes more. I know I am being clothed more and more in humility as I endure. I learn that I will not ask my people to do something that I myself am not willing to do.

To bear means to
i)To carry in the mind; harbor
ii)To carry (oneself) in a specified way; conduct
iii)To be accountable for; assume
iv)To have a tolerance for; endure

Counting my blessings...

2005-10-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Don't you think reading the news can be so depressing at times? There is hardly anything that can bring hope into your heart.

Main news on CNN; earthquake. This year the news has just been one tragedy after another. Just when you thought peace for a while, something disastrous strikes. You know somewhere in the world that a mother is mourning the death of a child, a young child has just lost their home.

And then I turn back and look at my circumstance. Yeah I have exams to pass, little mood swings, people who annoy me now and again, bills that I have to pay. Big deal anyway..I am not comparing these things to people's tragedy but rather I'm saying how whiny some of us can get over our little circumstances.

Listening to how some of the amazing women of God broke through their situations during Beautiful Woman, it just reminds me that life is a choice. I can sit and count the not-so-nice things or I can choose to let God overflow me with the knowledge that He loves me. Call me a simple minded girl, I can't comprehend most things that happen, the many "Whys?" that people ask. I don't think I will even sweat trying to answer those questions because I know the answers lie with the creator. That's enough for me I guess. Knowing what it is to be loved and trying my best to return the love. The world does not revolve around me.

Fractured bone?

2005-10-06T00:24:00.000-07:00

Some things in life I will never understand. How can you fracture a bone just by walking?As much as my foot is hurting the thought is simply amusing. Is it just me or does this sort of a thing happen to everyone?
Now let me tell the story of how I got a swollen foot. Well this goes back to a sunny morning last Tuesday. Just had a meeting with Alex, the YMCA welfare guy from college square. Had an interesting conversation which ranged from how a Chinese girl got assaulted by her boyfriend and ran away to him kicking out rowdy students from the apartment. Anyway I walked home slowly, eating my muffin, enjoying the nice morning sun when I felt my right foot hurting. Oh well I thought no big deal, you get little strains once in a while, I'll let poor lil right foot rest for a day. Now I was not wearing high heels, or pointy shoes nor was I wearing uncomfortable shops. They were brown hawaianas that I was wearing. Neither was I running or jumping or did I twist my foot, so how on earth could a fracture happen from wearing hawainas?

Oh well, like Forrest Gump says, life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know what you are gonna get..

God is definitely a PUNCTUAL God!

2005-09-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

It's 6:34 on my computer and mind you it's the morn on a saturday. You might be thinking what on earth am I doing up at this hour on a weekend.Sigh, a bit crazy rite? Yeah I think so too.And blogging is just even weirder.

Oh well job starts at 7:00 and I have to make sure I'm alert to get the coffee orders rite. It's funny I just got woken up at 6:00 without the alarm going off. In fact I think I just fell asleep last night and forgot to set the alarm. I reckon it's God just waking me up. How cool is that? And this happens all the time. Me not setting up the alarm but waking up just in time. How cool?

Well time to start taking some orders for some spicy bratwurst, skinny lattes and whatever funny orders that might come around. Who knows, I might get another funny fella trying to ask me for vegetarian bratwurst..Yawn

Mid-sem Fevers!

2005-09-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I blog each time it's near exams. Guess that's when I get really restless..The other times I would just be too busy with everything else. I'm counting down the hours to my investment tests. I should be studying, I have no idea why I'm just not.

It's weekends again, ARGHHH!! five more weeks of uni and that's it. Ee Lin is gonna step into the workforce, well at least I'm believing for that. Imagine the shirts, blazers and noisy shoes that go , "Click -clack". Just can't imagine that. Oh well better get used to the thought.

I can't believe I missed two calls from this place that I applied for a job. Hope I din put a bad impression. How annoying rite? Oh well I better go back to reading my expected returns, variances ..Dun want to regret later...

what is it with the weather?

2005-06-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

Goodness gracious this is my third year and I still think the weather is SOOOO COOOOLLLLDDDD....grrrrrr...Makes me feel like just hibernating at home at nights, watching some silly comedy and stuff...

Bumming days have arrived..Finally!! All of a sudden I'm at a loss, dun know what to do cos it's been such a busy semester..Not doing anything is something I'm still trying to make sense of..The fact that I can do nothing and think about nothing for one hour, wow that's a luxury too expensive to buy

But yesterday was pretty productive, went shopping with phebe..Got all the things she needed at good buys..She can't believe how good I am at getting bargains..If there's ever a point I'm not sure of God's gifting for me, I think I can think abt my shopping skills..That's a major anointing I reckon...Kekeke..We talked as well about girl friends..The best people in the whole entire world..Ohh I miss my piggy and macho girl friends..How we laughed about everything under the sun, all the lil gossip sessions, those are the best..And how we talked about the future..Hahaha I guess we are pretty much in the future we are talking about aren't we?

Then went dinner at tgif cos it's my dear ferlyn ( my housemate ) birthday ...Hahaha food makes the household and the permanent resident just go crazy...What a carefree bunch..All we do is eat talk shop laugh watch tv....No emotional sessions...Thank goodness..Finally the entire household has graduated into the 21 era including my pr, tian tian

I want so much MORE!

2005-06-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

Honestly I look back and I'm amazed at the things that have happened...From just the time when I was just an 18 yr old to turning 21..To having big kor kor and jeh jehs around me to me becoming one myself..It's just amazing how things flashes so fast around me...As my lil dreams start unravelling towards the end of my uni life I wonder what beholds me in my new phase of life soon..On one hand I don't want to grow up and embrace the bigger responsibilites but on the other hand I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me..

I don't want to live life normal..I don't want to live a mundane life..I want life to the fullest..I know I'm destined to make an impact..I know God did not give me dreams without a reason..I don't want God to ever pass me by..Inside me, there's so much waiting to burst out...I want God's unmerited favour..I want people to see it in me..I want His presence and I want it bad

Exams are near!!

2005-06-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

Here I am, in the library again..Surprisingly I actually don't mind it all that much..I have covered three lectures so far and still hanging in there. I'm actually pretty proud and amazed at myself. If those of you who are doing or have done financial accounting you'll understand what I mean.

I'm actually dying to just go for a lil shopping. That always happen when I've been working hard or at least when I think I worked hard. Wanna get myself a nice jacket and pair of nice jeans. Just can't wait till next Weds when 3 of my papers are over. Pj I can't believe you got that jacket for so cheap. Gosh the sales are so tempting me.

Well went for lunch just now at this place. Haha I can't believe how much I talked to the uncle, goodness me. Who knows? I might have a gifting with uncles and aunties. It's really rare you get to call adults uncle and aunty here in Melbourne, so it was nice talking to him. A born again catholic who's so into the Holy Spirit. How cool is that? He just came fr Singapore and yes I actually tried asking him if he does catering for big groups. Thinking of future UL events. So yes, made a friend, got his number. Told him I will bring some christian CDs for him to play in his shop next time.

So that is all for now for this day. I will get back to studying, I'm honestly very very surprised at my stamina thus far. And I know it's definitely God's hand just over me, I can literally feel happy studying, talk abt the impossibility of that. So yes I'm running a good race and I believe I will fight a good fight.

Watching Life pass you by in the library

2005-05-31T00:57:00.000-07:00

How ironic that the first time I write it should be in the library..Guess boredom and studying can just make you do things like that? My eyes are getting a lil blurry...

Funny as it sounds but swot vacs are usually my most relaxing times, no need to wake up for classes, no need to work...All I have to do is study..I guess cos all my whole mind is focused on studying that I no longer have the capacity to worry about other things and yes I do worry quite a bit at times

Can't believe how time passes you by, soon the library season will pass me by for good and honestly I do not know what will be next..Things have happened too fast, friends have come and gone, disappointments have set in and being overcome, tears have been shed and had my fair share of laughter..I've been stretched, challenged..I've felt lonely, I had my superb moments..And through it all, I know I have a friend, a father who will stick closer to me than ever..

How many times have I cried in my room since I stayed away from home and how many times has He lifted me...How many times has He whispered and say, "Ee Lin, come on and stand up again. I have a greater plan for you. Dream once again." Even when friends drifted away, He still came around and reminded me He knew what loneliness was and comforted me. When I felt unbeautiful, He pursued me and showed me the value of being a female.

And now, I wake up, even if I know there is no certainty in the world, I know there is one thing that will never change, He loves me so very much that He never leave me nor forsake me.